A Pilgrimage in the Wonderland


It is two in the morning and I finally settle down my mind to sleep. Switching off the light invites darkness to my premises. I rarely get to see this level of pitch black of darkness. No hint of light is there. Not even from the stars. Just one big continuum of black.

“The Darkness” was the title of the low budget box office hit horror film we were going to make when we were kids, my friend and I. It was the simplest idea ever. The film starts, all the lights go out, none in the film and it goes like this for 1:25:00 minutes. The End! We got this idea after being frustrated by a broken promise of a good horror film, which after all was the story of Snow White. Snow White? Friggin Snow White for a horror film? So why not “The Darkness”?

Fortunately though since then I’ve seen better versions of Snow White. My favorite is the visual for the song “Sonne” by the German metal band Rammstein. In that, Snow White was a coke (rather Gold) snorting, sadistic whore who powdered and snorted all the gold the Dwarfs (the band members) mine. She beats the dwarfs, even to the simplest mistakes and keeps them slaves. When finally she overdoses, she is put in a glass box and taken to a mountain top. The final scene is an apple falling from a tree breaking the glass box to end up in her hands, while the dwarfs mourn her death.

Rammstein’s music is unique, no other metal band can replace them. Most of their lyrics contain references to Nazi ideology, not clear if supportive or the other way around. One of their most revered songs is “Ich Will” which is said to be a tribute to Dr. Joseph Goebbels, Nazi party’s PR guy. He single-handedly drove the propaganda machine that powered a memorable and a devastating war. He was later appointed as the successor to Hitler and two days later he committed suicide along with his wife and his six children.

Ich will, ich will dass ihr mir vertraut
Ich will, ich will dass ihr mir glaubt
Ich will, ich will eure Blicke spüren
Ich will jeden Herzschlag kontrollieren

I want you to trust me
I want you to believe me
I want to feel your eyes
I want to control every heartbeat

My most significant fixation on the word “Nazi” is surprisingly not the war, but a love story. “The Reader” is one of the brilliant movies I’ve ever come across. The hole it has left since watching it has never been filled again by any movie or story. The scene anyone should be interested in is the trial of the women who worked at the concentration camps. It is a magnificent carnival of the human mind.

8000 people worked at Auschwitz. Precisely 19 have been convicted, and only 6 of murder.
The question is never “Was it wrong”, but “Was it legal”. And not by our laws, no. By the laws at the time.

The first understandable encounter I had with the Nazi ideology was the Sociology module I went through during my first year. In fact Sociology was the only module that I truly enjoyed in that semester, learning about the Hitler’s “final solution”, fine combing through photography critique works of the early 20th century and working out the mass apathy towards Kitty Genovese. If not for that enthusiastic lady from the Faculty of Arts who started hammering us with texts from Siegfried Kracauer, I would’ve never had the first clear look at “her”.

The first time today when she entered my mind. This is the sign which says that I should stop, right here right now. Her name is a mental inhibitor, it sucks all the flows out of the various paths that have been taken up to this point and kills those branches. It focuses the sole thinking effort on itself and never allows anything to branch out. Once it is started, there is no end for months. So here I am, signing out, pulling down the kill switch.

Good night!

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